Is there a formula to make your marriage or relationship even stronger? My parents were married and loved each other for seventy-three years. Theirs was a true love story. After seventy years of making their life together on their Lancaster County farm, my mother’s health began to deteriorate. So for the first time ever, they moved. A retirement village was their new life. A few years later, as my parents celebrated their last Valentine’s Day together, my father was taken by ambulance to the hospital. Waving goodbye to each other, my mother felt she may be saying a final goodbye. February 14th, my father died and my mother followed just forty-one days later. I found this sweet note tucked away in a silk folder, written by my father (who was late for their first date). Here is an excerpt:
To my dear wife, Since you are so filled with love and the desire to help others, now is the time to repay, by helping you. Esta, I love you dearly. I pledge I will do the best I can to make our next years the best years of our lives. Your loving husband, Amos H., the boy who came late.”
It is true that every relationship, even the best, has challenges. Regardless of how perfect or conspicuously opposite they may feel at times, your spouse is the person for you. Be comforted. While marriage can be a journey of faith, theatre, circus, passion and learning how to love someone, time will reveal how a mutual commitment to the relationship is worth the effort. Through the seasons of life, an emotional intimacy grows out of trust and relationship until “mine” is no more. Just like my parents.
On average, it costs $20,000.00 to get married.
- $72 billion per year is spent on weddings
- The average wedding budget is $20,000
According to the census statistics:
- More than half of the nation’s married couples have been together at least 15 years, a third have marked their 25th anniversaries, 6 percent have been married more than 50 years.
- 2.3 million couples wed every year in the US. That breaks down to nearly 6,200 weddings a day.
- one-third of those getting married each year have been married before.
On average, it costs $20,000 to get divorced.
- $28 billion-a-year industry costing an average of $20,000″, according to Divorce Statistics.
Recently, Pastor Dean at Valley Bible Fellowship in Westcliffe, Colorado, gave an insightful marriage enrichment series drawn from a marriage seminar called, “Marriage on the Rock” by Jimmy Evans. Regardless of the number of years you have been together, check out these four things that God ordains for a healthy marriage or relationship:
- Law of Priority – nothing will stand between us. Other than God, our spouse has first-place in our life. Be present with a commitment to be “all there” in sacrifice, time, energy and attitude.
- Law of Pursuit – you cannot please everyone but keep close physically, spiritually, emotionally with your spouse. A “leave it alone mentality” usually doesn’t work. Build trust. Passion changes. But time does not have to diminish passion. It increases by intentionally getting to know each other, spending time together, sharing your heart, asking questions to show you care about what is important to your spouse. Schedule an appointment to be together when getting too busy. Remember, “You can’t have a million dollar conversation in a ten-cent time frame.” Make time for each other regularly.
- Law of Possession – the two shall become one flesh. Marriage means sharing everything. It is to serve the relationship with “my own needs” coming last. Both have a voice in the relationship with a healthy interdependence.
- Law of Purity – having nothing to hide is the goal. Be vulnerable. Create a safe place of trust and respect for one another. Keep promises. Have integrity. That quality means being the same all the way through. Do not make your spouse your parent. Admit when you are wrong and forgive quickly. Seek good friends. Do not share secrets with someone of the opposite sex. Be committed to God, each other and to the marriage. Pray for each other. Ask God to give you his vision for your marriage as a joyful, healthy, God-honoring reality. “If you break a law there are always consequences. To the extent you do not acknowledge these laws, the more damage you are going to accept in your relationship.” Pastor Dean Selden
The act of love strengthens that chord of commitment. In your Bible, 1 Corinthians 13 explains what love really looks like. To those who are in a good marriage, keep working. If you are in a bad marriage, keep working. We all have times when we need to ask for help. Nothing worthwhile is easy but it is worthwhile.
My husband and I celebrated 35 years of marriage last week. Our friends, the Robinson’s, showed us the best of Oregon. Spring is beautiful there. The wondrous shimmering oceans, the shops, the spas, the flowers, the lush green everything, along with some amazing cuisine I recommend to you. Below is a link. It is just 3:55 minutes. Look beyond the family pics (unless you are in them) to amazing Oregon. If you are looking for an escape in the USA, put this on in your bucket list. Hope you enjoy:
35 Years! Anita Baker singing “Giving You the Best that I Got”
God bless you and your marriage!
June
P.S. Your likes and comments very much appreciated! Thank you. Hope this is good for you. Let me know what you think!
Living Large On Less 